How to look confident in 2019- Part 2

Find what's right in what they just said. When I gave an employee performance feedback, I asked what he thought about it. He said, "I think you think I'm an idiot."


This is the second installment of your 4 articles free program on “How to look confident?” If you have not read the first one, check this out.

How to look confident – Part 1

So today we will talk about the second quality you need to develop, this is called being non-reactive. People usually get confused about this one. People think they are confident because they talk a lot or react to everything. This is not true. Let me explain this to you. I am sure you must have seen Rocky movies. Apart from the grit Rocky shows, there is one thing I love the most is his ability to ignore the haters and being non-reactive to bullies & bullshit.

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But how do we do this? This is also a habit. When you do not react to people, some people might think that you are scared or have nothing to say but in reality, if you are non-reactive to unnecessary things you can actually focus on your craft. It’s easy to misinterpret what other people say and do, but this can lead to internal conflicts. A team that spends a lot of time dealing with misunderstandings loses valuable time devoted to being productive.

Come From Curiosity, Not Conclusion

If you want to be more intentional in your response, slow your thinking down. Instead of drawing conclusions, ask questions to assess the accuracy of your conclusion. When you check your assumptions, stay open to being wrong, and assume positive intent about the other person, your interactions will take an entirely different turn.

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Take An Adult Time Out

Moving from reactive to proactive begins with self-awareness. Recognize the problem and identify your triggers. Second, create a plan for self-management. What are my triggers?

  1. Certain people or situations.
  2. Am I tired, stressed or feel insecure?

What do I feel inside?

  1. Rapid heartbeat.
  2. Tension.
  3. Fear, anger.

Shifting Response

  1. What is my preferred response? Focus here.
  2. Count to 30 before responding or hitting send.
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Make The Other Person Right

Find what’s right in what they just said. When I gave an employee performance feedback, I asked what he thought about it. He said, “I think you think I’m an idiot.” I thanked him for being so forthright. I shared that I gave him feedback because I wanted him to succeed. Finding the “right” thing puts you both in another mindset. Thanking them first gives you time to pull your thoughts together.

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Don’t Take Things So Personally

High reactivity often comes from elevated personal investment. In other words, when we take things personally. That’s a state of amygdala-hijack. First, breathe. Reclaim the brain. Second, shift perspective. People are usually clear about what they want from another person. When we are clear what we want for the other person, it allows us to take things less personally and be more deliberate.

These things take time to develop. This is not a one-night phenomenon but a habit which you will have to install it yourself. Once you do this, you will be able to focus on better things & do well.

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